The Art of Appreciation

Those who cannot feel the littleness of great things in themselves are apt to overlook the greatness of little things in others.

The Book of Tea

The art of decorating and adorning your personal spaces – and by personal spaces I mean your home and your personality - is one and the same – know your strengths and acknowledge your virtues but display them to the world subtly, almost humbly, even apologetically at times. The basic idea is to enhance and present the whole rather than zoom in on the carefully selected qualities you want the world to see.

Emphasising and reiterating your virtues to others never does you any good - unless you are at an interview where they ask you to talk about yourself – it is a topic best avoided. And if you are so inclined, and human race is inflicted with vanity of the narcissist kind, then be warned – at best it will get people’s back up against you, and at worst will makes them horribly envious in a sadistic kind of way where they will gleefully gloat at any misfortune that befalls your way – oh yes, and that goes for your besties as well, who will change into inwardly grinning beasties at the drop of a hideous hat that happens to fall on your head (metaphorically speaking, ofcourse).

We all want to be thought of as interesting and fabulous and accomplished – and the need to share, or worse broadcast our virtues is sometimes too strong to resist - and the sages of the world have warned us of this affliction many times before over the centuries –where we become so self-engrossed that the beauty of the world, of others around us is lost on us.  We fall into narcissism so deep and dark that we become blind to merits of others and alienate ourselves from what otherwise would have been healthy and beautiful relationships.

 Ironically, narcissism also robs us of what we are trying to achieve - glory and stability in the eyes of others, because vanity in its very nature is such that it makes us more vulnerable and susceptible to life's ups and downs for "the great and the humble have the same misfortunes, the same griefs, the same passions; but the one is at the top of the wheel, and the other near the centre, and so less disturbed by the same revolutions"; Pascal.

And the beautiful truth is, if we embrace modesty and have patience, given time and space, most people will pick up on our strengths and virtues without our needing to shout from the roof tops and they, then will be better persuaded and genuinely admire our qualities because they become the ones who found them – like proud archaeologists marvelling at their excavation finds – and all you have to do is just smile humbly and let them have their moment!

The same notion of deliberately shying away from highlighting just a few assets applies to elegant dressing as well – the art of which I feel we have sadly lost. If you possess an amazingly perk bosom or fabulous long legs – then don’t display them blatantly to oglers in low cut dresses and micro-mini-skirts - no matter what the shop assistants or the Kardashian sisters tell you – you will be held in much higher esteem and look a thousand times better if elegantly draped and subtly emphasised, not to mention be more sexier and classier. Same goes for six ab packed men in string or no vests – please gentlemen! put a shirt on – trust me girls will like you and covet you more.

So how does this principle of being discreet about the best assets work in your rooms? In interior design, we often talk about and hear the opposite - about playing on the assets of the room, emphasising good ceiling height, displaying great windows, highlighting an amazing fireplace and interesting architectural features etc. But in reality over emphasising a room’s merits works towards its disadvantage because then your eyes are drawn like a magnet towards that one  single feature and you miss the countless other little things that make the room what it is. Successful interiors rely on harmony, and harmony is a sweep of the eye that takes in all that the room has to present. It is the feel you get as soon as you step inside, where all elements are equal, and none soars above others to overpower and dominate.

So the art of being appreciated lies in being humble, being discreet about your merits and then and only then you can find and appreciate merits in others.