Design Your Destiny

 

 

 “You must give everything to make your life as beautiful as the dreams that dance in your imagination.”
 Roman Payne

 

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L

ife is full of endless possibilities.

Growing up I truly believed I had at my disposal endless possibilities, paths yet to be trodden, routes yet to be mapped - the world was my playground, living was an exciting prospect, every day unfolded new and newer avenues to skip down soaking up the delights on the way. I loved learning and books which were opening up my mind and increasing my wonder at all the things out there to choose, experience and savour.

And then I grew up and experienced ‘real’ life.

A life strapped down by responsibilities, duties and commitments. I was a wife, a mother, a home-maker. The world wasn't my playground anymore, more a to-do errand list that I mentally ticked off every day. Experiences, good, bad and ugly, just rolled on me rather than me choosing to experience something. All exciting possibilities grew distant and distant, even books read failed to ignite wonder and passion for things unknown as I knew them to be mere words not possibilities. Don’t get me wrong. I had a good comfortable life surrounded by loving people but somehow, I felt restless and empty. Destiny became a mocking word – I knew in my heart there was more to me that just that and I drew little comfort from the fact that duties and responsibilities are marks of a person raised well. A sense of commitment to ones daily jobs, regard for the elderly, devotion to ones partner, obligations towards ones kids, loyalty to ones friends - all these are marks of a good upbringing.  Fortunately or unfortunately, depends upon how you feel on any particular day!

And sadly, I also realised that there are no "endless possibilities" in life. We are all like balloons, tethered to a string, some short, some long, all up in the sky together, blowing gently this way and that, but tethered nevertheless.  Those that break free and soar up are the free-spirited ones, faced perhaps, with endless-possibilities, the rest of us, will stay tethered till the end of our time strapped down by circumstantial and personal commitments.

And just like life, room design has limitations too – defined by its space, features and functionality. Good designers acknowledge the limitations early on and work on possibilities to make the                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      room a success. Limitations in rooms certainly present us with challenges – but do not stop or hamper creativity. In fact most room limitations lead to very creative design solutions; as I realised to my advantage over the years - initially getting frustrated over being hemmed in and then finding the most desirable solutions to design dilemmas.

And it was this very aspect of design that eventually taught me that even though in life I feel tethered and bound in some ways, I needed to think within the boundaries of my impossibilities to arrive at the probable – and then act on the probable to make it possible and in doing so, realise my criteria of personal growth and success. I was surprised at how similar the process was to designing a room and also why I had never thought of using the same process for designing my life.

Whatever your criteria of success may be, money, power, health, spiritual growth, emotional stability, altruism, this really is the ultimate formula for success.

Consciously choosing to relentlessly act on some of your possibilities till they invariably become your destiny. 

Have you read about people living their destiny – living their dreams? Well, who is to decide what they were destined for?  They are doing nothing more than acting on their beliefs and ideas conjured up in their own brains (or borrowed from somewhere) and then calling it their destiny when they make a success of it.

Life is really what you think of it – and destiny is the conscious implementation of your thoughts. The blue print of your destiny is created by you and not by some divine intervention delivered to your doorstep.

Although life does look and feel like a series of chances, sometimes you even feel helpless in the face of all it throws at you (and I have had plenty of  those moments) there is really at all times, even in the worst, most painful situations, some elements in your power. In every situation, there is always some room for manoeuvrability – either something you can think, do or say that will change the situation. Sometimes it's just as simple as how you perceive a situation, because when all else fails that is the one thing that you can whip out -like a secret weapon-  to make your life easier and better for yourself.  You really are in control of your own destiny, your thoughts direct you, your choices define who you are, your actions take you where you want to be.  

So become the architect of your life, design it the way you want, carry that blue print in your mind and act on it little by little every day, I guarantee  you will be much happier and feel more passionate about being alive.

Defining Style

Whatever does not pretend at all has style enough. Booth Tarkington;

                                            ‘The Magnificent Ambersons’

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Most people as it turns out, approach style from a very visual perspective – and who can blame them, it has to be seen to be appreciated. But it is much more and deeper than that. Have you ever been stopped in your tracks by a gloriously beautiful sunset or an elegantly dressed person oozing effortless charm? Both spark your wonder and instantly lift your worries and troubles, if only for a brief moment. Now that is style - an innate pull, a silent nod of acknowledgement that makes you pause in the midst of whatever you are doing or thinking. It’s a connection that stirs something deep within you. And that style may very well be emanated by a person, a building, a room, art or indeed nature. 

So knowing style does not merely involve seeing it, but rather feeling its presence. Style, as such, never shouts for attention; it is not pretentious like that and the styles that do shout for attention are trying too hard – bordering on vulgarity posing as style. True style grabs your attention in just being. That is the big distinction and the ultimate guide to style: It is an existence worthy of note, in a person or in your surroundings.

They say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and the very same is true of style. What I might perceive and call stylish, you may think (at best) non-descript or (at worst) hideous. There are really no definitive criteria or standards of "style". Because it is synonymous with the feelings it evokes in us - each and every one of us is right about what we think as stylish, as bizarre as this may seem. And the beacon of finding our personal style is delving deep within ourselves and recognising our inner feelings. Any sense of wonder, serenity or exhilaration is a mark of its acknowledgement and existence. It is truly an emotional connection that involves being utterly selfish and surrounding ourselves with the things we feel good about and putting on things we feel good in.

Stylists and magazines articles will often tell you the ‘rules’ of mixing and matching and what you should wear for different body-shapes and  dos and don’ts of decorating your homes. I would take everything they say with a pinch of salt and throw that salt over my shoulder – because it is certainly not a formula -otherwise we would all be stylish. The requisites of style do not follow a conventional line of best fit– and even if it did, it would be full of outliers to the exasperation of all statisticians. There is no universal list of stipulations when it comes to style and each one of us needs to create their own list from scratch. This very attribute of style actually contributes to its elusiveness and mystique.

Another biggest misconception and style faux-pas where most people go wrong is in defining and adopting style as the current trends in fashion. What's "in" is stylish and what was last season is "out" and not in style. That also is rather a shallow and an uninformed way of thinking and talking about style.

In reality, style is timeless, transcends current fashion and is a way of living and thinking that is unique to each and every one of us. It is an approach to design and fashion and our preference for certain designs over others. Consequently people who copy and paste fashion from the catwalks and designer magazines are never ever stylish. They are poor imitators miss the chance of being their best. If you look at nature, it never imitates, each sunset is different and each snowflake is unique. Nothing knows how to rock style better than nature.

Undoubtedly most of us are influenced by current trends, but they do not become "style" unless adopted by us. When design and fashion enters the domain of our personal space only then it becomes our style. On the shelf or in stores they are just innumerable design ideas waiting to be incorporated by people into their wardrobes and spaces.

Most people instinctively have a style, whether they are aware of it or not. A list of design preferences that they gravitate towards  time and again without realising - reaching for the same or similar things in home decor and personal attire.

And like any and many of life’s journeys, our style evolves as we grow older and more mature. I myself, over the years have experimented with design and fashion but as I have grown older I have become more confident in knowing and recognising my personal style and picking out what in the current trends would complement me and my personal spaces. But the beauty of style is in fluidity, it is ever evolving, ever changing and never ever stagnant. That is what gives it its distinctiveness and newness at any stage in your life. You will know you have nailed it when you feel confident and happy in its presence, whether it is on you or around you.

So the age old question, who has style and who hasn't? Well I leave that question for you to ponder over. Is there a right or wrong - but more importantly, is there a right and wrong that you and I will agree on? Because when it comes to style, it really is all about our keenest perceptions and what we make of it, like ninety-nine percent of life's encounters.