On First Borns

My son turns 21 tomorrow.

He is my first born and as first borns do, I learnt far more about myself from having and raising him than I imagine he ever did from me. Every milestone with him was more exciting, exhilarating and sometimes nerve-racking because it was my first as well. First tooth, first hospital visits, first spoken word, first baby steps, first long-haul air travel, first nursery, first school play, first playdate, first parent's evening, first SATs, first GCSEs, and the list goes on and on.

 Being a first born also meant I made all my never-to-be-repeated classic parenting mistakes on him. In that he certainly got a raw deal. It also meant I burdened him at times with being more responsible, or setting an example for his younger sisters where he could have certainly done with being more carefree. I have unashamedly over the years relied on him to validate myself as a mom, but both of us have fooled each other not one bit. I am his mom or 'mumma' as he calls me, but we both share more of a symbiotic- comradely relationship. When it came to managing family matters, we are more often than not, both in it together!

And despite all this, the good news for me is, I haven't managed to mess him up entirely (and even if I did I hope it was in a good way!) He has grown up into this remarkably responsible (few surprises there) sensible, caring and sensitive human being who is passionate about the right things in his life. He has a wicked sense of humour, is super organized - his wardrobe could feature in a glossy closet ad,  he loves watches and cars  (watch collection already well underway and my husband asks him about cars rather than Siri or Google) and to top that he knows the value of hard work and has repeatedly amazed me with his persistence and single mindedness in achieving his goals.

And as he turns 21 tomorrow in another continent far way from us I want to thank him for turning out so brilliant despite my using him constantly as a parenting testing ground. And out of all the things he have taught me over the years, my favourite is one that he subconsciously does very well and I hope he never stops doing it.

Its his amazing grace to do the righteous thing at any moment in time; every single time without fail;  no matter how far from the comfort zone that might take him. And in doing just that he has taught me that nothing else matters than what we do and think right now. 'Now' defines our life.  This moment is all we have and if its kindness, or love, or empathy or forgiveness, or creativity or sheer grit that we need to show, then we must choose this moment to do just that and the very best we can too. He also taught me to have the courage to turn away and say no when the moment demands nothing short.

Thanks Dan for teaching me to do right by the moment and live life in the moment! I love you loads and wish you the most beautiful life.

Happy 21st Dannyboy! 

Get Out of Your Own Way!

I really can't speak for anyone else here, but in my moments of solace, every introspection or retrospection I have given myself the luxury to indulge in regarding what I have deemed my many 'failures'  in life have all led me to one very uncomfortable realization - that most often than not I was the one standing in the way of my success and happiness. Yep! No one else. For all my subconscious strategies of blaming x, y or z for my unhappiness; all the while it was me sabotaging my own success and holding me back from reaching my full potential.

We really are more in control of our destiny than we think. But... herein lies the very problem - control -  and our desire to have too much of it.

We are so conditioned to take control, act now, grip things by the horn, be in the forefront and try our hardest to make a success out of every situation - that sometimes we forget to relinquish it; which we absolutely must do if we want reciprocity from the Universe. You see, its  a game of back and forth that the universe plays with us - and in this game, we play our hand and then we need to wait for the Universe to play theirs - and sometimes the Universe in doing so shows us other paths and ways that lead to our winning - just like a chess move from your opponent opens up new strategies and thinking avenues for you in a game of chess. The only difference is the Universe is not an opponent; it always, always without fail acts for you and with you, and never against you. Even though sometimes it seems that way when nothing is working out for you. That's the Universe's way of saying 'Stop!, Quit! that is not the path you were meant to be on.'

But in our insane need for control, for always being on top and desiring instant results and gratification, we never let the Universe show its hand. We never step back and say 'that was my best move; what do you say to that?' We never wait for the Universe to put things in action for us. We crash headlong into our moves, one after another; thinking 'I know how to do this'; and in doing just that we limit our chances of success because we are closing off all the alternate strategies and paths the Universe would have shown us to guarantee our success a 100%. No wonder we get so frustrated  so often as we do. Its us getting in our own way.

Hmmm! I really need to learn to get out of my own way, and relinquish the insane need for always being in control.