The Offended

We have become a global community on taking offense over anything and everything.

We not only take offense on a daily basis over trivial matters - we are actually always on the lookout to jump at an opportunity to get offended. And social media makes it all so easy to be offended from a (very) safe distance.

What someone was wearing - and it does not matter if that someone is a person you are never likely to ever meet. What someone said - and it doesn’t matter if that someone had a legitimate reason or series of events leading up to that comment. What someone supported or did not support - and it does not matter if that someone  had cultural or religious or political views that necessitated that view.
Anything or anyone that slightly deviates from our sensibilities is fair target. In our warped little world, they deserve our condemnation, ridicule, wrath and backlash.

Every time I read a scathing comment on Facebook or Instagram, I can’t help but ponder - why do we do this?Why can’t we live and let live. If we see or read something that we can’t appreciate why can’t we just scroll down without commenting?

We can either spend our days getting offended over every little thing or we can spend them thinking ‘huh! now wasn’t that interesting’. Because that is exactly what it is - for all our similarities, we are inherently different people with sensibilities brought on by our unique experiences in life- and our differences should make us interesting and novel but certainly not a cause of taking offense.

And I am not saying here become wishy-washy. By all means be proactive. Do stand up for the causes you believe in. Do voice concern where you feel the need. But let that be not at the expense of ridiculing others or getting offended over every other view out there that clashes with yours.

So I say let us open our minds. Let us exit the overcrowded club of The Offended and join forces with The Serene Ones , who appreciate differences and seek with interest the different views of others to become more informed and grow to be better persons.

A Miracle Of Existence

Whether you are steeped in religious beliefs from childhood unquestionably accepting your existence or an atheist looking for logical, scientific proofs of evolution that explains your presence in this world, you can not get away from the fact that each one of us is a miracle of existence.

Anatomically modern humans have roamed the earth for nearly 200,000 years, yet the workings of a human body are still a mystery. Admittedly, we know a lot but there is still a lot we haven't figured out. We know that our very existence is a delicate balancing act of countless biological processes, thousands of chemical interactions and multiplex of electro-magnetic forces working every single nano second of our existence without rest. 

Scientists know that in addition to chemical aspects like water and oxygen, space or nothingness is one of our bodies major constituent. Our bodily atoms encompass 99.9 percent of space within which electromagnetic fields are generated by whirling electrons around nucleus. Biologically, trillions of cells make our pulsating organs and coursing blood, but what really gives us our physical shape and keeps us from collapsing into ourselves into oblivion like a black hole are these repelling electromagnetic forces. These hold the atoms in place, in turn giving our organs and us our bodily shape. The same electromagnetic currents also whizz around in our brains and travel down our nerves and become the means by which we think, create, move and even store memories. Our bodies are truly a marvel where in biological, chemical and physical processes all happen according to their very distinct properties and rules, but somehow their edges are blurred and they all execute seamlessly into what we call life.

  And the marvel doesn't stop inside us. It is the same pattern repeated in every single living or non-living thing on earth. Same electromagnetic forces, but at different frequencies in inanimate objects. And then as we look up into space, we find the same forces there too. A night full of blinking stars is a marvel to behold but became an  even bigger marvel when scientists discovered pockets of electro-magnetic radiations emitted by the stars called star-light or photons. These photons travel at the speed of light through space  and let us see stars and galaxies. 

Just pause for a second here and let this sink in. 

The same force that opens up the universe to us to behold in all its vastness and glory, is coursing through each and everyone of us all though our lives. We really are the stuff of the universe and like Joni Mitchell sang made of star dust. 

Our connection to this universe is true and binding and precious. So it really belies one to think that we are born without intent or are not part of something bigger than us. Whether we believe it or not, each one of us is not without clear purpose, and each one of us has just as important purpose as the next person. It is perhaps not obvious to us as we navigate through life, some times seamlessly sailing and at other times stumbling through its myriad and confusing crossroads and corridors. We think of ourselves as unworthy at times, lesser important than others perhaps, a janitor not seemingly having the same impact on other lives than a CEO, but the ripples both set out by doing and saying and being are equally important. Because ultimately the ripples travel not only outwards affecting others, for better or worse, but inwards as well. They affect the person more than they care to admit or ponder. They alter the chemical, biological and physical processes within his or her own body thereby changing the person’s own life for better or worse.

 Each one of us has a role to play for the time of our existence in this world, and no one is born without being cast in the play we call living. Now it is up to us how we play this role, do we want to study our part in some depth, fine tune our delivery of it and delve into the character we have been casted with gusto or do we slog through the role making an unremarkable exit.

We owe it to the miracle of our existence to fulfill our purpose. We may not know or realize yet what that might be, but we can make sure we are doing it right by honoring the miracle of our existence by being the best we can be physically, mentally, socially and spiritually. 

On Sadness

Even the most joyful, benevolent souls out there have encountered some degree of sadness in one way or another in their lives. Sadness takes many forms but at its deepest and heaviest it renders us speechless and wrecks havoc on our vision of ourselves and our place in the world. Just like rose-tinted glasses present us with perhaps, delusional but soul satisfying, glowing view of the world where flourishing relationships abound, similarly sadness bestows on us a gravitas and a stillness of soul, where the world is perpetuated by dark clouds and relationships are draining and doomed. Nothing seems right, within us and out there. 

And at these times when we are our most vulnerable, it really helps to remember that both happiness and sadness are a state of mind. The connection between how we feel and act on any particular day or occasion has a lot to do with what we think and draw conclusions from. And it is all data driven. The data in our brain and the neural synapses it generates is not a coincidence nor beyond our realm of control. If we understand that every cell in our body is being continually charged by firing neurons; and neurons in turn are bringing the negative or positive charges from the information we are processing in our brain, we get to understand that how we behave and react to situations and incidents is entirely in our control. 

As an example, imagine having a bad day at work.Your boss is coming down on you hard. The deadlines of your deliverables are too close and the workload unimaginably high. You feel downright downtrodden. What do you do? How can you not feel stressed and sick? Well, you probably do feel awful and your brain is legitimizing your feeling awful by telling you, you should. 

But what if your brain says to you, OK point in case, things are a squeeze right now, but nothing you can't handle old boy (or gal). What if your brain tells you to rise above it all and march to an upbeat drum. What if your brain tells you to get your swag on and plays the tune in your head you can lose yourself in that gets your adrenenal flowing like a super hero? What if your brain tells you that you will get through this like all the other times you got through? Would you still feel awful and stressed? I bet you a hundred dollars, you will not. 

Same is the case with feeling sad. Sometimes we blame feeling sad to outside factors; something someone said or did or did not do. Or factors within us, like not feeling worthy or beautiful or liked or appreciated. When our brain legitimizes our sadness and gives it its seal of approval that yes, people are awful to you, you are not appreciated and you should feel sad - only then it is that we do.  But we can turn this around and make our brain say ‘OK so that person wasn't great to you, or appreciative, but do you want to take on their negative energy and feel sad or would you rather set up your positive energy shield around you so their negativity can't get through to you? What if your brain makes an imaginary shield around you that is deflecting all negativity others are aiming at you. What if you keep a score as well of how many negative jabs you deflected by not letting them get to you? Doesn't that make it almost like a game you are out to win? Doesn't that make you sad-proof? I bet you a thousand dollars it will.

The only time feeling sad is legitimate is when you lose a loved one. Then you can allow yourself to lower your shield and weep for the lost one. And that weeping is cathartic, strangely healing and does you a world of good. Because it purges your soul of the heavy burden of love that you carry that can't be reciprocated anymore. You let that love out through tears but let your soul carry only the memory of it like feathers that drift weightlessly and freely.

Beyond Fifty

 This year I turn fifty in October. Sixteenth October to be precise. Needless to say getting to half a century is a big milestone in anyone's life. Most approach it with a mix of trepidation and doom. Trepidation of the things to come or lack of and doom of declining physical and mental faculties. The sage of the world approach fifty as a powerhouse of wisdom and a license to wag their fingers and shake their heads at numerically lesser aged mortals pointing out the folly of their ways. And then they are those who go into panic mode; the famously atoned ‘midlife crisis’. They throw their family life and everything they have slowly and steadily built to the wind and abandon themselves to revisiting the follies of youth. 

Being a classic sun sign Libra, I weighed the pros and cons of letting myself feel one way or another as I foray gradually towards my fiftieth birthday. After all I have the time-luxury of ten months and fifteen days to make that decision and I want to get it right. So I thought hard, sometimes for days on end and truly tried to visualize my life beyond fifty. Should I approach my fiftieth with trepidation and doom of diminishing faculties? Should I expend my energies and focus more on my physically and mental health?  I pictured myself taking up yoga, doing meditation, eating greens and becoming a total zen person with a constantly lingering smile. Hmm. Very tempting. And to be honest a very sensible approach to fifty and beyond but kind of cliche and boring. Where was the fun? Where was the spark? And I also knew I wouldn't be able to stick with it for long, because I never do. I am not a sticker to sensible things and despite my best intentions, I come undone sooner or later. So that option flew out the window. 

Next I contemplated if I should wear the know-it-all hat and go around spilling my wisdom beans hoping someone will sow one and reap the benefits and miraculously start thinking of me as their guru. Their go-to wise woman? I pictured myself as a kind of a un-licensed and un-solicited therapist, and I quite liked the idea! Because I am a very good listener, and not only that I actually really listen when people talk. And by that I mean I can detect the undercurrents of their conversations, things they are trying to justify, things they are trying to forget, things they feel annoyed about. I have always been able to cut through the talk and see what a person is all about at that moment in time. Call it a gift, but I have what it takes to be a wise-woman. But did I want to be one? Did I want to spend the rest of my life telling people what to do? Weren't my children sick of me doing that already with them? Suddenly being a sage wasn't so sexy - and I abandoned the idea. 

The other option available to me is to have a mid-life crisis. And I thought about what direction should my midlife crisis take me. Partying, convertibles, dressing young and acting wild? To be honest I was out of my depth here. My brain refused to go along with me on this one and truly I wouldn't know where to start. I was a never a wild child. I didn't even dress young when I was young or party hard and I find convertibles too damn uncomfortable to ride in, with every hump and bump magnified ten fold.  So definitely I wouldn't know how to have a midlife crisis even if I wanted one!

That leaves me nowhere. But I am not overly worried. It will come to me. We are still into the month of May and I still have five more months to figure out what becomes of me after 50!

Saman Khanzada Mirza

Sweet Sixteen, Anica!

My youngest turns sixteen today. 

Old enough to fill my heart with a slight pang that the day is fast approaching when she too will be looking at University brochures ready to fly the nest like her older siblings and I will have to deal with an empty nest syndrome, but still young enough to enjoy her delightful company; because a delight she definitely is. And I am not saying this with a mother’s bias because I have never been an overly gushy kinda mom. As much as I adore my children, I view them objectively as individuals; ie beautifully written but still having typos in their character-script!

And what delights me about my youngest is her genuine warmth which she exudes wherever she goes. She is the kind of person who in a room full of strangers will come out bearing many friends. She is instinctively sensitive to the needs and wants of others and shows care in little unexpected ways that touches your heart. She is the one who leaves handwritten notes and bunch of flowers on the side table on Mothers or Fathers Day while my other, older two blissfully forget. She is one who comfort feeds you by baking you muffins and cookies with a cup of tea. She is the one who squeezes your hand and gives hugs for no reason. Her mindfulness and emotional intelligence always strikes me as way mature and beyond her sixteen years. My youngest certainly has a generous caring soul, but knows how to be sweet and silly and fun and sociable. And just as you nuzzle and settle into her fuzzy warmth of a character, you are jolted by her steely determination, her unwavering vision, because what she wants and sets her eyes on; you can count on it - she gets.

Bravo. Now that's my girl; who has the strength of character and intelligence (emotional, social and intellectual) to make things happen for her and for others around her. I have no doubt that she will sail through life, making many friends, championing many causes and staying true to her blessed warm heart. 

Here’s to you my darling, always stay you! Happy Birthday!

Changing Stories

There comes times in every women’s life; through charmed providence or cruel necessity; when she feels inclined either to start a new story in her life or end an existing one. This beginning and ending of stories,  however holds very little significance for men, because their entire lives, more or less, are played out in the same story with changing chapters causing ripples in their otherwise calm sea of existence. Most men set their course of life early on for their entire journey and even if they suffer tiny upheavals, it's nothing that cannot be addressed or ironed out in the next couple of chapters unfolding in their life stories.

But why so many stories in a women's life? Because the emotional demands made on her are deeper and she herself changes with every major or minor change in her life. Every time she is in a relationship or gets married, or gives birth or gets divorced or cares for her aging parents, she switches into a new role and has to cultivate new sensibilities to carry on; as a lover, a wife, a mother or a caregiver.  Not always by choice, she is constantly thrust into circumstances where she feels the need to end something or start anew. As an example when her kids leave the family home, or her husband spends longer and longer time away from home or simply stops caring, or her parents become elderly and eventually die, that's the cue for her to end that story.  She has to dust and pick herself up for a new beginning elsewhere. Her equation in life is never constant and it all takes its toll on her. That's why women age so much quicker than men. 

But there also comes a time when she wants to break free from all the stories thrust on her and write her own story that makes her happy. She wants to break the shackles of being for others and just be. She has cared enough, done enough, she is through with her own sense of duty to others and their causes. And the irony is she truly finds her place in other peoples stories when she gets to this pinnacle of freedom. Some women find this freedom quicker than others but alas, some never do. 

Saman Khanzada Mirza

The Necessity of Nothingness

Whether you are steeped in religious beliefs from childhood unquestionably accepting your existence or an atheist looking for logical, scientific proofs of evolution that explains your presence in this world, you can not get away from the fact that each one of us is a miracle of existence.

Anatomically modern humans have roamed the earth for nearly 200,000 years, yet the workings of a human body are still a mystery. Admittedly, we know a lot but there is still a lot we haven't figured out. We know that our very existence is a delicate balancing act of countless biological processes, thousands of chemical interactions and multiplex of magnetic forces working every single nano second of our existence without rest. 

Scientists now know that in addition to chemical aspects like water and oxygen, space or nothingness is one of our bodies major constituent. Our bodily atoms encompass 99.9 percent of space within which magnetic fields are generated by whirling electrons around nucleus. Biologically, trillions of cells make our pulsating organs and coursing blood, but what really gives us our physical shape and keeps us from collapsing into ourselves like a black hole are these repelling magnetic forces. These hold the atoms in place, in turn giving our organs and us our bodily shape. The same magnetic currents also whizz around in our brains and travel down our nerves and become the means by which we think, create, move and even store memories. Our bodies are truly a marvel where in biological, chemical and physical processes all happen according to their very distinct properties and rules, but somehow their edges are blurred and they all execute seamlessly into what we call life.

  And the marvel doesn't stop inside us. Interestingly, star-light or photons are pockets of electromagnetic radiation emitted by stars traveling at the speed of light through space. These photons let us see stars and galaxies. Just pause for a second and let this sink in - the same force that opens up the universe to us to behold in all its vastness and glory, is coursing through each and everyone of us all though our lives. We really are the stuff of the universe and like Joni Mitchell sang made of star dust. 

Our connection to this universe is true and binding and precious. So it really belies one to think that we are born without intent or are not part of something bigger than us. Whether we believe it or not, each one of us is not without clear purpose, and each one of us has just as important purpose as the next person. It is perhaps not obvious to us as we navigate through life, some times seamlessly sailing and at other times stumbling through its myriad and confusing crossroads and corridors. We think of ourselves as unworthy at times, lesser important than others perhaps, a janitor not seemingly having the same impact on other lives than a CEO, but the ripples both set out by doing and saying and being are equally important. Because ultimately the ripples travel not only outwards affecting others, for better or worse, but inwards as well. They affect the person more than they care to admit or ponder. They alter the chemical, biological and physical processes within their own body thereby changing the person’s own life for better or worse.

 Each one of us has a role to play for the time of our existence in this world, and no one is born without being cast in the play we call living. Now it is up to us how we play this role, do we want to study our part in some depth, fine tune our delivery of it and delve into the character we have been casted with gusto or do we slog through the role making an unremarkable exit.

We owe it to the miracle of our existence to fulfill our purpose. Admittedly we may not know or realize yet what that might be, but we can make sure we are doing it right by honoring the miracle of our existence by being the best we can be physically, mentally, socially and spiritually. 

Here is to finding the best version of you!